HI! KIDS! I’M ABRAM THE SAFETY APE!
I’m the driver of the Art of Bleeding ambulance.
And, yes, I am a gorilla.
Would you like to learn all about SAFETY? There is so much to learn when it comes to SAFETY.
But it can be complicated.
Sometimes being safe means keeping out of trouble.
Sometimes it means knowing what to do when trouble happens anyway… After all, sometimes Trouble comes to you, right? Sometimes, no matter how safe you act, Trouble comes marching right into your home without knocking. Or Trouble meets you on a street corner. Or in the schoolyard. Or down at the river where all those old refrigerators and TVs are dumped.
Notice how I am talking about Trouble as if it were a “he.” It’s not really a “he,” is it? Or a “she” for that matter. Trouble is more of an impersonal entity, really. Like an evil spirit.
But sometimes it’s easier for us to think about hard things if we make them more familiar. That’s why we talk about Trouble as if it were a person. It helps us visualize. You can picture Trouble with long white fingers and hungry eyes parked and waiting across your street, watching from his car.
If that’s what Trouble really were — a person — it would be easy. ABRAM THE SAFETY APE could just run across the street and drag Trouble out of that car and pound on Trouble till Trouble’s nose is bleeding and he’s promising to stay out of the neighborhood for good. SAFETY APE could just pound and pound till he hears those sirens coming.
But violence is not the answer, kids. Even if it happened to be, Trouble is not really a person, and Safety, also, is not really an ape. That’s right, ABRAM THE SAFETY APE is just a representation, a picture image of something that exists on a higher spirit plane.
Am I blowing your minds yet?
Hey, don’t worry! ABRAM’s just having a little fun. I may be a symbol, but I’m also real. Real enough to shake your hand and sign autographs if you come down to meet me at an Art of Bleeding show with your parents. I’m sure to be there, cutting capers and providing vital information on human survival. Sometimes, they even let me lead the show. If you’d like to catch ABRAM in one of these shows but don’t know when the next one is, you’ll need to sign up for my announcement list. Just email me. And when you come to the show, make sure you bring lots of friends, otherwise they’ll be jealous you got a chance to meet ABRAM THE SAFETY APE and they did not. That might cause a lot of problems for you at school.
Anwyay, I hope you are enjoying your visit to the Art of Bleeding website. Come back as often as you can to learn more about me and what I’m up to, my interests, likes, and dislikes. And of course lots and lots more useful information on safety.
Oh, and one more thing.
About my name — my name is “ABRAM,” not “Abraham.” I am named after Abram. S. Lugner, a pioneering psychologist who really influenced our program. Everyone at Art of Bleeding really admires the guy, so it makes me proud and happy they have given me his name. Of course, Abraham is a more familiar name, so there is always some confusion about this. It really bothers me, so I made up a little joke that helps me remind people. I say: I may be a “ham” but not an “ABE-ra-ham.” And it’s true. I just love HAMMING it up in the spotlight, teaching people about safety. But I hate when people get my name wrong. This little joke is my way of making sure it doesn’t happen again. I tell it in a friendly way, and it helps cover up my anger.