Our friend Bill from Y-Que Trading Post, purveyor of LA’s finest satirical and pleasingly moronic T-shirts (including ART OF BLEEDING T-SHIRTS) just dug up this picture he shot at our 2006 “Halloween Highway” show. He’s talking about putting on a T-shirt and making it available at our upcoming 2011 Halloween Highway 2 show. Just the gift for mom and dad this Christmas!
And speaking of von Hagens yesterday, we came upon this…..
“Why, yes, that is a plastinated bull testicle hanging from my neck!”
It’s not often enough you are able to utter that sentence, is it? But if you and your credit card can take a moment to swing by world-famous Gunther von “The Plastinator” Hagens’ online giftshop, your chances of accepting plastinated bull testicle compliments would be greatly increased. If you buy one, of course.
Or if the bull testicle piece is a bit minimalist for you, perhaps these more ornate pig slice earrings would be to your liking? Not quite sure what part of the pig they are, but they don’t look much like bacon.
Still not flamboyant enough? Not to worry! There are countless other choices representing varying degrees baroque grotesquery in Gunther’s Consumerworld pleasure palace.
Unfortunately, the plastinated cross-sectional “Sex Act” piece below is sold. It’s a shame too because it would have made quite a striking coffee table.
It was 15 years ago last month that Viagra was patented, which means those of us over the age of 15 have endured that many years of tiresome Viagra jokes. And it shows no signs of letting up as demonstrated by last week’s promotion of the Viagra-laced Royal Virility Performance Ale tagged with slogan “Arise Prince Willy.”
Of course sometimes taking a joke too far is just what makes it funny, and it’s hard to fault a man with the chutzpah to put himself into the joke the way this man has put himself into his handcrafted Canadian Viagra costume.
Perhaps the only consumer item with a more depleted of comic potential would be Spam, so it should come as no surprise that those drawn to Spam humor might attempt to reinvigorate that topic with a dose of the blue magic. This is how we get things like Viagra Spam Mousse or Spam Musubi.
To be fair, here again there is pleasingly maniacal passion for detail. The “VGR 50” imprint in the mousse above, for instance, is obtained by first crafting a mold made by impressing a Viagra shaped paperweight into paraffin.
The paperweight, which can be found on eBay, is one of the more dignified examples of Viagra inspired novelties one could buy there. The worst, perhaps, is this inexplicable Viagra Cone Hat. And it’s available at a special “close-out price”! Go figure.
If 15 years of this is just too much for you, and you share our fashionable hatred of Viagra jokes and the evil pharmaceutical companies that spawn them, there’s always the natural alternative — one that doesn’t feel compelled to work for your laughs. Horny Goat Weed is confident in its own absurdity.
Physically expressing love for your internal organs and all the hard work they do can be a little difficult, what with all the flesh, bone, and muscle between you and the object of your affection. That’s why where the adorable stuffed surrogates come in. This plush, huggable prostate gland is just one of many delightfully odd products from I Heart Guts, our favorite designer of cute organs that appear to have been dissected from Hello Kitty. The site also features an entertaining “Fun With Guts” video and a lively blog covering all thing anatomical and alerting us to these ostensibly cute yet somehow frightening organ mascots manufactured by 1-800-MASCOTS.
Laughing Squid has alerted us to another product from Koken, the manufacturer of the vaguely naughty medical simulation devices previously mentioned in this blog.
“We all know getting older isn’t fun, but Koken, a Japanese manufacturer of training gear for medical professionals, wants to be sure you know the specific details. To that end, they’ve produced this cousin to the “fatsuit,” or “empathy belly,” a little bondage ensemble they not-so-idiomatically have dubbed “The Aged Simulation Set.” Not sure where the Bib of Shame or orange-and-green color scheme comes in, but then seniors aren’t known for their fashion sense.”
We’ve already exploited that collective cringe produced by Resusci Anne’s clammily compliant rubber mouth. Now if only we could get our hands on her knocked up cousin: the Koken Full-Body Pregnancy Simulator.
This one comes from Japan, and the website demurs on price, so we can presume it’s in the “if you have to ask… (then you’re probably some kind of pervert not affiliated with any legitimate institution of learning)…range.
But by jingo, look what she comes with: lifelike fetus with rubbery amniotic sac, interchangeable vaginal openings to simulate various gauge love tunnels, breasts and abdomen that respond realistically to diagnostic palpation, and replaceable soft silicon insets to practice suturing up those nasty perineal tears so you won’t have to practice on a sherbet-colored block of whipped Jell-O.
And she cleans up easy! According to her FAQ, just a quick sponging with detergent or ethanol followed by a baby powder pat down should do the job.
As if they’d already anticipated some sort of twisted Hans Bellmer torture session, they warn, “being a model there will be no complaints if roughly handled. Do not push or pull the model with unreasonable force.”
So if you had your heart set on a screaming model, you may be disappointed, but they’re still eager for your business.
“If you live in Japan, we also keep some models that can be provided on a loan basis.”
Is that really wise?
Time for a sleepover! Thanks, laughingsquid.com